Press Release: Candidate X for office.

I am Candidate X. I am running for your local office. I have my best interests in mind, and I am almost certain that they conflict with yours. This does not concern me. I know you will not vote, so I have no worry for your opinion. My experience is a total lack of experience, yet I know you will not research me. With ignorance I am empowered, so ignorance is what I spread.

Stay home on Election Day.